It is a new year, and fortunately for the author (and unfortunately for you, the consumer), there are still dumb products being produced for our enjoyment. The economy is bad, but not that bad.
Image Courtesy of BikeSnobNYC
This weeks nominee, Cadel Evans’ Winners energy bar, surpasses previous nominee, Mike Ditka for shamelessly cashing in on minor celebrity. According to the reporting of the Australian paper, The Age, the Winners brand teamed up with Evans to create a bar with oats, cranberries, currents and peanuts. The Age reports that the manufacturer finds Evans inclusion of the nuts to be ”interesting” due to the performance enhancing benefits of revastrol in the nuts.
Hmmm, peanuts, interesting? In don’t know what qualifies for exotic in Australia, but here in the States peanuts rank up there with fructose corn syrup as a base filler in tons of foods. Not exactly the unique elixir we’ve come to expect from an energy bar industry hawking their products as health food.
Unfortunately, this is not the least of the marketing faux pas’ in this product. The whopper comes with the name “Winner” on a product with Cadel Evans in a yellow jersey. For those unfamiliar with pro bike racing, Evans is a Tour de France contender that placed SECOND in this year’s edition, his highest finish. At least Mike Ditka can actually claim to be in the NFL Hall of Fame when giving his crappy salsa the Hall of Fame moniker.
Would you by an energy bar from a guy who keeps a portrait of himself over his fireplace?
Cadel may be the real winner of the Tour in his mind, but nothing says grade A wanker like putting your likeness in a yellow jersey that you didn’t win on a product and selling it. Not wheel sucking on the defining stage of the Tour, or dropping your GC contenting teammate, or putting an enormous painting of yourself over your fireplace, or slapping a reporter, or threatening to kill someone if they touch your dog. No, this solidifies Evans as the biggest wanker in cycling history (and he has some pretty stiff competition.)
So do I want to eat an energy bar with generic ingredients packaged to promote this guy? I think I’ll keep training on bread and water, thank you.
Enjoy your weekend, and get out and ride your bike.
Read the previous week’s Dumbest Product of the Week.
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on Jan 8th, 2009 at 9:01 am
For dumb products there is no timing at all .Most of them capable to afford of it So, launch in the market as early as possible with perfect advts.
on Jan 9th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
[...] attempts to address non-existent problems. The first, whether blindly following current trends, representing yourself as something you are not, or repackaging a mediocre product to cash-in on fame, all receive my highest contempt as modern [...]
on Mar 27th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
Hi
I just wanted to write back on this report on Cadels Energy Bar , I am an Australian and proud of it and I have tried the all flavours in the Winners Energy range including Cadels Mountain Mix and they are great and if you had to choose from a Nutritional bar why would you not use a bar that has more natural ingredients than any other product on the market ?
Why dont you nock PowerBar ? High fructose core syrup ? or even other brands you are obviously a Coffe shop rider as we call them in Australia , a long ride for you would be to the Milk bar !
Dont knock such a great athlete and great bloke ! and he is a true Ozzie so you knocking him is an insult to the whole nation !
What goes around comes around !! watch out for those cars and pot holes next time your doing your ride to buy a donut !
on Mar 27th, 2009 at 11:53 pm
Do Australians really have such an inferiority complex that when one countryman get criticized, you are suddenly wishing bodily harm to the critic? Evans is a professional athlete, not the whole representation of an entire country!
My criticism of the product was Evans shilling of it, not necessarily the product itself. It may be a perfectly fine energy bar. My satire is of the bogus performance enhancing claims of these products and Evans himself. I stand by my assertion that Evans is a wanker. I think any non-jingoist reader who reviews the sites I linked in the story would agree.
on May 23rd, 2009 at 1:44 am
Dude,
as a fanatical cycling fan , AND Australian, I stand behind everything you say about Cadel Evans. Imagine my delight when I found this product in my local supermarket. I HAD to buy one for my next ride, just to start a virulent sledge-fest at the coffee shop where we can postulate on just how crap he will be at this years TdF.
Are there any ex-MTB guys that don’t make weird roadies? It must be something to do with riding in endless circles around trees on your own whilst eating mud….